Tips

Tidy Housekeeper?


The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until
one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed:
"Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written
on it."


Housekeeping Husband

My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if
only she would organize her time better. Recently he had a chance to put his
theory into practice while his wife was away.
When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, "I made
a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards,
scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."
I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when
he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn
off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."

Martha Stewart's vs. My Way

Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone.

Martha's way #2: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds.

Martha's way #3: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

My way: Buy a mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way #4: To prevent eggshells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard-boiling.

My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?

Martha's way #5: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stovetop.

My way: Eat out every night and avoid cooking.

Martha's way #6: Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.'

My way: Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers.

Martha's way #7: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

My way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's way #8: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up".

My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. My motto: If it's cooked, you will eat it no matter how bad it tastes.

Martha's way #9: Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it.

My Way: Brown sugar is supposed to be "soft"?

Martha's way #10: When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.

My Way: The only kind of corn I buy comes in a can.

Martha's way #11: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

My way: Go ask the muscular neighbor to do it.

Martha's way #12: Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.

My way: Instant mashed potatoes will now be next to the anti-bacterial soap in a handy dispenser next to my sink.

Martha's way #13: Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer:

* Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.

* Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.

* Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.

* Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).

My way: Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet. Add some Alka- Seltzer and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.