Friendship and Transparency
May 13, 2011 By
Our culture’s definition of a friend has changed significantly since the onset of social networking sites. It doesn’t seem to have the same depth of meaning anymore. As Christians, what does it mean to be a friend to another brother or sister in Christ? Should our friendships look different from those of the world? For me, a key ingredient to a Christian friendship is transparency. What does it mean to be transparent and do we as a church have transparency with one another?Miriam Webster defines transparent as “having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly passing light without diffusion or distortion” or in terms of a persons actions, “free from pretense or deceit.” I like both definitions, though different they both speak clearly what transparency is and isn’t.
Are you old enough to remember transparency machines? I remember my teachers laying a clear piece of plastic on the glass top and writing down their notes for us to copy. The light from under the glass reflected off the mirrors above it and was seen on the pulled down screen on the wall. Everything the teacher wrote on the clear plastic was seen on the screen. Like those machines, I believe it is important for Christians to “transmit light” so that others can see clearly who we are.
I believe true Christian friendship requires mutual transparency, don’t you? I want a friend who doesn’t hide from me who they really are but who is transparent along with me. A true friend reveals their struggles and asks for accountability. We pray for one another. We help each other walk when one stumbles. (Proverbs 18:24, James 5:16, Hebrews 10:24, Romans 12:10)
Mutual transparency creates an environment where friends feels safe and accepted. We treat each other the way Christ treated the sinner’s with whom he ate meals. Christ knew all of their weaknesses and deepest sins, yet he sat at the table with them when it was considered taboo to do so by the society at large. He spent time with those whom no one else would have even acknowledged their existence. He befriended them, healed them, strengthened them and saved them. He set an example for us in how we are to love one another in spite of our weakness and sin.
Why aren’t we more transparent in the church? Is it that we don’t want our brothers and sisters in Christ to clearly see our heart? To see the sins we struggle with, the pains in our heart, our fears? Like the definition says, when we’re not transparent, all you see is a distortion.
In reference to the second definition, when we are not transparent with one another, we are being deceitful. The masks we wear cover who we truly are. We are lying about who we are by having others get to know this masked person instead of the real person behind it. The bible tells us to bear one another’s burdens (Galations 6:2). How can we do that if we don’t know what those burdens are because of the masks that we wear?
One of the requirements of belonging to this group of misfits called “Christ followers” is that we have to be sinners. Since we’re all sinners, why do we put on an act that says we have it all together?
Each day that I sit down and press my fingers to these keys, one more piece of this mask falls off. It’s not easy to bear a naked soul to the world. The potential for being judged, for being hurt, for being rejected is great. But Jesus did all of that for us, didn’t He? Aren’t we called to be like Him?
I believe God gives us each other in the body of Christ to lift one another up, carry each others burdens, and to extend to one another the same love and grace we’ve been given. God, in his wisdom, has chosen to use the body of Christ as one of the means through which he uses to change us.
It is as we sharpen one another that we become more like Jesus. It is as we walk alongside one another, we can see Christ’s love shine in and through each other. And as we lift one another up, we too are lifted up when we see the Spirit heal and restore. Today, would you consider removing your mask? Would you become transparent with others in the body of Christ so they can see the pain in your heart?
It is there, in that moment of feeling your heart exposed and naked, that Christ uses our Christian friends to be the physical arms of Jesus as they embrace us, accept us, and walk with us along this journey of the Christian life.
