REDNECK MEDICAL DICTIONARY

 

Artery .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  The study of paintings

Bacteria.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .    Back door to cafeteria

Barium.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  What doctors do when patients die

Benign.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section.   .   .   .   .    A neighborhood in  Rome 

Cat scan.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .    Searching for Kitty

Cauterize.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  Made eye contact with her

Colic.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .    A sheep dog

Coma.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   A punctuation mark

Dilate.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  To live long

Enema.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   . Not a friend

Fester.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  Quicker than someone else

Fibula.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  A small lie

Impotent.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  Distinguished, well known

Labour Pain.   .   .   .   .   .   .   . Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff.   .   .   .   .   .   .   A Doctor's cane

Morbid.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   . A higher offer

Nitrates.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .Cheaper than day rates

Node.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .I knew it

Outpatient.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .Person who has fainted

Pelvis.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative.   .   .   .   .   .   . A letter carrier

Recovery Room.   .   .   .   .   .   Place to do upholstery

Rectum.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   . Right near killed him

Secretion.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  Hiding something

Seizure.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .     Roman emperor

Tablet.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  A small table

Terminal Illness.   .   .   .   .   .  Getting sick at the airport

Tumor.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   . One plus one more

Urine. .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   . Opposite of you're out

 

PKD/Valentine's Day

Valentine's day has always been sort of bitter sweet to me.
On this day 11 years ago a very dear friend of mine, Yolanda Cabrera, was diagnosed with complete renal failure. Yolanda fought her battle with courage and strength. Her battle on this earth ended on January 26, 2010 when she made her final trip home to see her Savior face to face.

Six years after her Valentine's Day diagnosis, both my second born son and I were both diagnosed with PKD.  Yes!!  On Valentine's Day 2005 we both saw our doctors for what we thought were two totally unrelated problems and were both given the same results.

Today, Valentine's day 2011, we are headed to Texas Children's Hospital for Nick's regular visit. I am praying his blood pressure is good today!!!

UPDATE:  Nick's appointment went EXCELLENT!!!!!

An Old Farmer's Advice:    

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

 * Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.

  * If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.  Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
--
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight,
he'll just kill you.